Forsaken
by Kusabiishi
Summary: The Black Order saw him executed; his friends supported the decision. They supported the death of the Noah that had made Allen Walker disappear. But he wasn't Neah. He was Allen and it couldn't just end for him there. No, for being a Noah, this was his punishment. Reliving it all. Waking up in the Asian Branch after his Innocence was destroyed. "God hates me." His voice cracked.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Oh look, another one! ... Are you guys even really surprised at this point? Haha. This evolved from a little snippet of a story I found on my flash drive. I rather like it and I'm really enjoying writing it, so I hope someone finds it to be an interesting read!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own DGM!

Minor edits done on 02/01/2015.

* * *

><p>He couldn't forgive; he couldn't forget.<p>

Tears dripped down his face. Gray eyes looked to the people who had once cared about him who looked down at him like they no longer knew him. They were convinced that he was someone else, that the Fourteenth Noah had taken control of his body and that he was no longer the Allen Walker that they knew. They looked down at the prisoner chained and bent over, the hands on his back forcing his head down on the block and he could see it in their eyes that they felt no remorse for any of it.

Allen was a traitor to the Exorcists and the Innocence. He was a traitor to the Akuma and the Earl.

It was plain to see that there was no place in this world for him.

Choking out a sob, he laid his eyes on his friends who had pushed for this outcome. Their numbers were half what they had once been. Lenalee, Miranda and Chaoji were the only ones left. Lavi had disappeared, along with Bookman. Crowley had been killed by Tyki in the same way that the Noah had attempted to kill _him_.

As for Kanda, it was the mark on his body that had killed him. It was pushed too far when Kanda was trying to protect _him_—from the Order, Apocryphos, the Noah and everything caught in-between.

Even Johnny was gone, but he lived and Allen was glad for that. He had managed to convince the scientist to flee when they'd run out of options. Allen had been captured and Johnny had been deemed a traitor for trying to help him, but they seemed to forget all about him after capturing him.

When Allen had awakened as a member of the Noah clan—albeit an estranged one—the Order had attacked him without an ounce of hesitation. No matter how much he tried to convince them that Neah wasn't in control, they would not hear him. Nothing that he said could even convince them to hear him out. They wouldn't believe that his Uncle had long ago given up the idea of swiping his body because it contradicted every stereotype they had regarding the Noah, that they all must be incomparable monsters. They wouldn't accept that he was just as much the Earl's enemy as they were and had no reason to fight them. That was too easy for them.

If he was there was even a trace of his Uncle, then Allen was a lost cause. Killing him was a _mercy_, they thought, provided the person that called himself Allen Walker was even still _alive_.

All they could see was a Noah's dirty trick. Allen Walker was dead; it was a nasty ruse so they'd let their guard down and he'd be spared of his fate. It was their excuse to kill him while keeping a clear conscious.

Bitter tears stained his cheeks an angry red. Dull, gray eyes that had long ago lost their familiar light dared to meet the violet ones of the kindest Exorcist he'd known. She was one of the many that he'd come to love during his time with the Order.

A weak smile formed on his face, despite the hateful glare she cast back at him in return.

"I loved you," Allen said. His voice was as soft as a whisper. It was weak like his resolve, broken like his heart and shook as his whole body did. "I loved all of you."

As he spoke, his pale white skin was dyed an ashen gray and a row of black stigmata bled onto his forehead, crossing over the blood red pentagram stamped above his left eye.

Allen Walker was allowed only one kindness and that was not being the one to watch the ax fall; it was his Uncle who bore that honor.

* * *

><p>Gray eyes shot open as their owner burst forward out of bed, sweat dripping down his body and hot tears down his face. Glancing wildly around the room, his heart sank. No, no, no, <em>no<em>, _**no**__! _This wasn't happening!This _couldn't_ be happening!

He was supposed to be dead!

A fresh sob rose from his throat.

"I'm still here...!"

No, it wasn't still.

His gaze turned to the woman next to him, her head cradled in her arms as she slept at his bedside. _Fou_, he realized with a start and his right hand flew to where his left arm should have been. He tried to grasp it, but a strangled sob escaped him when he discovered that there was nothing there _to _grasp. It was gone. Staring at the space where the appendage _should _have been, the tears only hastened their path down his cheeks. Crown Clown. His last friend. His _only _friend besides the Uncle that resided in his head.

The painful ache in his chest grew.

He threw off the covers and pushed himself out of bed, making his way to the bathroom adjacent to the room he was in. He looked into the mirror at his reflection and what he saw should've been familiar, yet it was the exact opposite. His face was younger than he remembered, with short white hair and a chest that was bare where a scar stretching from his shoulder to his hip should have been. A weak smile spread across his tear-stricken face. He was left with only the curse mark on his eye and the comforting sight of his Uncle's shadow behind him.

He stepped back until his back hit the bathroom wall and he slid down it to sit on the floor. "Uncle..." he said, the word choked out through his tears. "God hates me, doesn't he?"

* * *

><p>Allen found himself walking—stumbling, rather—down the halls of the Asian branch. He could sense his Innocence was there somewhere; he could hear her calling out to him, her voice cracking as she whispered his name. Like the last time he'd been in this position, he found himself staring at Fou's door with stormy gray eyes, the long trails on his face a constant reminder that he'd been crying barely half an hour ago.<p>

"What are you doing here?" Allen turned to the source of the voice and found a familiar man sitting in the shadow of a nearby pillar.

The man's eyes bore into his own, searching him for an answer that Allen didn't have. "I don't know," he admitted, touching the surface of the door with his bandaged hand. "I want to open this door."

His voice was low, like he'd lost the will to use it—and he had. Allen had always been good at upholding his mask. Even when he was suffering, he was able to smile and pretend he wasn't in pain. But the mere thought sounded so exhausting now and the cracks in the surface of his facade were things he couldn't hide anymore.

He was broken.

"What will you do if you get through? Why not just go back?"

"I don't know." Again, Allen was honest, his eyes turning to stare at the floor. "Standing still hurts." A tumultuous swirl of emotion washed over him as his voice cracked and tears started down his cheeks, though the man's reaction, or lack thereof, told him that he'd been expecting as much.

This whole conversation sounded so familiar, but Allen couldn't remember how it had happened before. He didn't _want _to remember. He wanted to forget all of it and start again.

... No, he didn't want to start again. He didn't want to forget. He wanted to _be _forgotten. More than anything, he wanted to disappear.

"Even without your left arm?" Allen remembered him asking something similar the first time they'd met. For Bak, this _was _the first time and he couldn't forget that. At this moment, the Order was unaware of who—_what_—he was. The Noah might not even know it yet, but something told him otherwise. That part of him that was no longer human told him that they'd felt it. His "awakening".

Whatever it was for anyone else, Bak at least hadn't the slightest clue.

When Bak had said that about his arm the first time, it had provoked a sharp, stabbing pain in his chest. Allen had been blind; he'd been deaf. He'd been unable to see Crown Clown's suffering then, the loneliness she'd felt when he was more concerned with the Exorcists than her. Not only that, he hadn't been able to hear her calling out to him. But that was not true this time. He could hear her cries gradually turning into soft whimpers and of all the things hurting him right then, that was at the top of the list.

He had to go to her.

Gray eyes didn't look up from the spot on the floor they were staring at. "My arm's not gone, though. My Innocence is still alive; she's... she's okay, isn't she?"

That grabbed Bak's attention, but he pushed onward, undeterred and trying to keep his surprise from leaking onto his face. "Allen, how would you like to become one of our personnel here? There are other positions besides Exorcists; you could serve as a supporter now. Not even God would blame you, if you did."

"God?" Allen repeated the word like he'd never heard it before, like the word had never slid off his tongue. "Whatever God there is, he hates me. ... There's only one place I belong and it's not with 'God'."

It wasn't with the Order or with his friends. No, they hated him. They had watched passively as he had wept and been executed. The memory had his gut twisting in knots, pleading with him not to think of it. No, his place was with his Innocence, his Uncle and the Akuma they were supposed to save, but now... Allen wasn't sure that was enough.

... He loved the people of the Order that he'd called his friends, but had they ever felt the same? Would they have died for him as he would have them, given the opportunity?

In one ear, it was his Uncle whispering to him. They cared about him, that's what Neah said. They'd cared and they'd honestly thought that what they were doing was all for him, that they were saving him from an ugly fate.

In the other ear, his Innocence whispered to him. _They didn't love you! _The bitter, angry words rolled off her tongue. _But I do! _Allen smiled softly at her words, as she told him to stay with her, that neither of them needed those Exorcists.

They weren't any classic, black-and-white interpretation of what was bad or what was good. One spoke of his hopes and the things he wanted to be true, while the other spoke of the things he hated to admit were the _actual _truth.

Hopeless optimism and cynical realism.

"This is the only path I can take," Allen said, a hollow laugh escaping his pale lips. It was broken and lost and twisted with emotions that threatened to crack him in two pieces. This was all he had left.

"I understand, Allen Walker," Bak said, moving away from the darkness of the pillar and stepping into the room's unnatural lighting. "I'm not sure how you knew, but your Innocence is not dead. I wondered if you would want to go back to the battlefield after finding out about the Fallen Ones and tasting the anguish of death."

Charcoal black eyes staring into his own gray eyes. "Komui and I had to know. To prevent the creation of another Fallen One."

A sad smile spread across Allen's face.

"Although you did go a bit overboard with the 'God hates me' part," Bak said, his lips curving upwards into a small smile. Allen couldn't return it more than he already had, however. What an Exorcist needed was an unbreakable heart and for Allen, that was already too much to ask for.

"My name is Bak Chan; I'm the leader of the Asian branch of the Black Order. Wong's been looking for you to re-bandage your wounds. Once he's done that, we can talk about restoring your Innocence."

Now _that _Allen could smile about. Apart from Timcanpy and his Uncle, Crown Clown was one of the only friends that stuck beside him. Even though he could feel his Innocence, that it still existed in this world and that it still cared about him, he didn't like that it was separated from him. He wanted to have his arm back, to have that white, billowing cape embrace him and that silver mask hide his face from the world.

When Allen offered only that smile, Bak continued. "Now then, it's rather cold here, so why don't we—"

He was cut off when a foot collided with his face and a woman with red hair landed where Bak had previously been standing. Fou's kicks hurt; Allen was all too aware of that, given the time he'd had to fight her.

When Fou demanded gratitude, he gave it to her, even after her violent display. Even though the deep ache in his chest wanted him to hate her for saving him, it wasn't possible for him to think ill of her. She was clueless, just as he'd been. What fate had in store for him was something she could never have guessed in a hundred years or more. She had no hand in it. If she had been able to take part in those meetings that eventually ended in his execution, something told Allen she would've opposed it wholeheartedly. That was the kind of woman that Fou was; she was kind, beneath that harsh exterior.

At the end of the day, it was the voice of his closest friends that had swayed them the most. Instead of using the Exorcist that loved them, they chose to destroy the Noah that threatened them.

If it was by his friends, he would've been okay with being used. He would've been okay with living with a false happiness, with friends who hated him deep down and couldn't wait for him to meet his end. He would've been okay with that; it would've hurt less than seeing the disgust, the anger, the hatred held in their eyes when they'd looked down at him at his own execution.

Why did he have to live through it all again?

Allen blinked away his tears as Bak finished explaining the origins of the underground church. He said that it was larger than HQ and Fou spoke of a man who'd gotten lost for two weeks and died of starvation. "Try not to get lost, Walker!"

Yes, he remembered that story; he remembered the worry he'd felt when she'd first told it.

He'd been a child; he'd been naive.

A cheeky smile spread across her face, but Allen merely glanced back and met it with a weak smile of his own. It was too much. It was too hard to smile, knowing everything he had would be gone in the coming months, that everything would be torn from his grasp and that he would be killed by the very people he'd sworn to protect.

"I'll be okay," he told her.

"Cut the idle chatter and get in!" Bak said, filing them all into a familiar room. It felt as though it had been forever, but had it even been a year? Allen couldn't remember how long he'd stayed locked in that cell until they'd finally killed him. Whether it had been hours, days, weeks or month, he had no earthly idea.

As he entered the room, he felt the tension in it. The "fog" swirling in the air seemed to grow still when it noticed his presence. Slowly, it reached out to him like a person would outstretch their hand, as if it were a living, breathing thing—and it was. Crown Clown thought; she spoke to him. She meant so much to him that knowing no other Exorcist had this relationship with their Innocence made him sick to his stomach.

The people behind him became little more than white noise in favor of her. As far as Allen was concerned, it was only him and his Innocence in that room.

"Are you angry?" Allen asked the air, stepping further into the room.

"Walker, wha—"

"It's okay." Allen raised his hand up to the particles, the bandages having been abandoned by Wong when he'd noticed they were no longer needed. The cuts and bruises that should have been present were long gone, repaired by the part of him that was no longer human.

The particles brushed up against his hand and a soft, sad laugh echoed off the walls. "Are you comforting me?"

The others resigned themselves to watching as he communicated with his Innocence. They couldn't do anything for either of them, after all. Allen wouldn't hear them and Crown Clown would see herself destroyed before she would listen.

"It's okay if you don't want to come with me," Allen said, his Innocence freezing its movements in the air. Did she know what he was going to say? "If you don't want to, I understand. If you can't help me, there's someone who will." As if he'd struck her, the particles pulled away from his hand. He could feel her anger in the way she danced through the air, but his smile didn't falter, nor did his hand move away. "I'm not trying to hurt you."

The particles crept closer again, caressing his hand again. He couldn't see her, but he could feel her scaled hands wrapping around his own. He could hear the reverberating sound of her soft sobbing in the back of his head. The words she was saying were so plain to him, yet no one else in the room could hear even the barest of whispers from his Innocence.

"I don't want you to leave me, either," he said, tears of his own starting down his cheeks for what was at least the second time today. The creeping feeling of loneliness in the pit of his chest stemmed from being separated from his Innocence. Even with his Uncle living in his head, it was far too quiet.

It felt... Empty.

He could hear her sniffle and feel her warmth when the particles wrapped around him; she was hugging him. His lips twitched upwards into a bigger smile, but it was one that betrayed its purpose. It showed nothing of happiness or amusement or any other reason a man had to smile.

Instead, it was the hollow smile of a broken man who'd lost his will to live, who was hanging on to his last thread of hope.

"Can't we go together?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Okay, there we go! Hope you guys think it's interesting!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I'm glad to see so many of you enjoying this! Wasn't really expecting it, to be honest, but thank you for all the nice reviews, favorites and alerts! Sorry in advance for this lackluster chapter.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own DGM, but it's probably good that I don't!

Minor edits done on 02/07/15.

* * *

><p>He could feel Crown Clown's every emotion. Her anger, her sadness, her happiness. She bared her heart for him and the sweltering feelings embedded in each individual particle rushed to meet him; it verged on overwhelming. He knew her anger towards the Exorcists like the back of his hand and understood the way her heart ached at each painful thing that occurred to the two of them better than he understood himself.<p>

The particles wrapped around the stump that was left arm, collecting around his left shoulder and moving downward. Slowly, the particles began disappearing, forming a sleek, scaly arm. Black, dagger-like markings bled onto his skin like ink through paper.

As his arm fully took shape, he could feel two rough hands reach forward and touch his face and her voice echoed through his head and in his ears. _"Allen..." _she said and a genuine smile appeared on his face.

Allen reached his own hand up to wrap around hers, but his smile faltered when he touched nothing but his own skin and he remembered that the warm gestures of affection were something he could only dream of returning.

As his arm finished reforming, he turned back to the scientists and greeted their wide eyes with his falling smile.

"Chief Bak!"

Three familiar faces entered the room and the one who'd called out to Bak groaned in dismay. "No way..." Rohfa said, sighing deeply as they crept closer to them. "You've already done it?"

If Bak had heard her, he showed no sign that he did nor did he bother answering her. "Walker, what were you..."

"I was just talking to her," Allen answered without batting an eyelash. While Bak and the others stood in awe, nothing about Allen's tone suggested that he was the least bit surprised or that any of the events that had unfolded were far from unusual.

"You... You didn't even invocate..."

A small, sad laugh reverberated off the walls of the lab. "I didn't need to, since Crown Clown is..." he trailed off, his lips trembling as he fought back fresh tears, though his cheeks were already stained with old ones. He didn't want to explain it; he hated explaining it. Crown Clown was his dear and precious friend—his _only _friend, barring his Uncle.

There was Tim, but he had been destroyed by Apocryphos. There was also Johnny, but he had rightfully run away. Even if they had stayed by him, they weren't here now and that was the worst part.

"She's very precious to me," he said ambiguously as he turned his attention to the newcomers, offering them a laughable excuse for a smile.

"I'm sorry," Allen said, giving an apologetic bow to the Asians—that _was_ an appropriate response, right?—before giving a brief explanation on what had transpired before adding, "She's been calling to me since I woke up; I didn't want her to hurt anymore."

"She called to you?"

Allen only hummed his confirmation. They didn't need to know much about it and no matter how many questions they asked him, most of Allen's answers were deliberately vague. He had no other choice than to be. Telling them more would put her in danger. She was important and Allen was too selfish to share one of the last two people he had with the rest of the world and putting her at risk was even more out of the question than that. He and his Innocence were deeply intertwined, not just because she was a Parasitic-type—though Allen hated the idea that she _lived _off of him like a leech. She was no parasite. Their relationship was symbiotic and in more ways than one, they needed each other.

If one of them _had _to be a parasite, it was him.

Allen snapped awake, throwing himself forward as his hand came up to cover the cogwheel that had appeared in front of his left eye. "A-Again...?" he mumbled under his breath as he waited for the sharp pain in the left side of his skull to subside. This had been happening a lot lately. He'd noticed it the first time it had forcibly activated like this that his eye was still in its advanced form. The familiar pentagram that wrapped around his pupil was still there and it ached for the Akuma, like how Allen's heart ached for his long-gone friends.

Crown Clown was trying to sooth him, whispering to him in the back of his head. He smiled, but it was pained and weak, forced for someone who couldn't even see it. It was a falsehood, like so many other of his smiles and Crown Clown knew him far too well to believe such a cheap display.

Originating from his eye, he could hear a thousand souls screaming. He shouldn't be able to hear it, but there was no denying that he was and it was only the soothing voice of Crown Clown and the tune that his Uncle was humming that had kept him from losing consciousness in the wake of his recurring headaches.

This time, he didn't know if their ministrations were enough.

He still needed to properly apologize to Crown Clown for choosing this path, so he couldn't go to the Akuma. Not yet. But soon... Soon he would...

Leaning back, his vision faded to black as he fell into a restless slumber.

When Allen had said he wanted to be on his way, there'd been little resistance. It had taken almost no pushing at all from him to convince them to release him so he could follow his friends to Edo. They wanted to work harder on the peculiarity that was the bond between Allen and his Innocence, but there was no time.

They had made what preparations they could, issuing Allen the new uniform that had been sent to them from headquarters, but finding a ship headed in that direction was easier said than done—and that was perfectly reasonable, considering Japan was the Earl's country. Anyone even remotely aware of the dangers lurking on the other side of that wide expanse of ocean would want to steer clear of it.

It wasn't only that, however. Allen's personality was quick to get in the way. He would hear nothing of putting an innocent person's life at risk, but they had eventually found a weak alternative in a small ship that Allen would be able to go across on. He'd be alone and it would possibly take longer than they would normally like, but it was better than nothing—or that's how they felt, anyways.

Allen Walker didn't have the heart nor the courage to tell them he already had a clear path there. They didn't need to know about the fabled Noah's Ark nor did he want them to; it would fade into non-existence, just as he would.

"Are you sure you can find them once you arrive, Allen?," Bak asked as he activated the standard black golem that was issued to all Exorcists under normal circumstances. Allen had no desire to take it, though it was less because of the surveillance it'd have on him and more because it wouldn't survive crossing through the Ark. Standard golems never did. It was a waste. "You'll be in danger if you can't find them quickly."

Allen laughed. It was hollow and empty, but no one seemed to notice. None of them had known him long, but he was so transparent right then that it should've been as clear as day.

"I'll be fine," he said vaguely, opting to keep from them that he could feel the presence of Innocence as easily as a dog could sniff out a freshly cooked steak. A sad smile spread across his face as he started saying his goodbyes and he turned, ready to form the gate and depart, but he was stopped.

"W-W-Wait! Walker xiānshēng!"

Allen turned when he heard the Chinese honorific, knowing that the voice's owner was none other than Rohfa. If not for having heard her use the strange word on several occasions before, it might've confused him. Instead, the smile on his face grew a little as he turned to the source. Rohfa, Rikei and Shifu were sprinting up to him, faces flushed from the exertion of running the whole way from the labs.

"Are you alright?" Allen asked, his melancholy smile never fading. These events had been far too long ago to remember much of them. Each tiny intricacy was something that he struggled to remember and what they were going to say or do was lost on him. These were people he hadn't known long or very well, but he'd considered them his friends all the same. Unlike his closest friends, he'd never seen their eyes clouded with hate for him, but maybe that was because he had never gotten the chance to say goodbye. Maybe they would've been just as disgusted with him.

"Y-Your... cards..." Rohfa said, breathing heavily and moving to hand him the familiar deck that she carried. So this was when they'd given them to him. He remembered now. "It was missing a spade, so we concocted ink coloring to make you a new one."

Allen felt his eyes prick with the beginning of tears. "Th-Thank you..." he said, struggling more with the words than he should have as he took the gift from her. It was a precious gift. It was the very last one that someone like him—a _Noah_, one of their most hated enemies—would receive.

_They might accept you, Nephew._

His Uncle's voice echoed in the deepest reaches of his mind and it was the only thing that kept the smile that had previously graced his lips from falling. Allen could never fault his Uncle for trying to bring him some amount of comfort, but those words only managed to do the opposite. It was another countless reminder that their was no place in this world for him, even if his Uncle tried to be optimistic. He only had two friends left in this world. He only had Crown Clown and his dear Uncle and it was the worst part of himself—that selfish part that was more human than the rest of him—that kept them from being enough.

"W-Walker xiānshēng? A-Are you alright?!"

Rohfa's voice cut through his reverie and he finally noticed a single tear had slid down his cheek. He laughed and like he'd died a long time ago, it held no life in it. This time, there wasn't a soul in the room who failed to notice how horrid the sound was. "No," he said as his voice cracked. "And I'm never going to be."

"Walker..." Bak took a step towards him, Allen mirroring him by taking a single step backwards. Was he going to suggest not going? Like with all things, Allen wouldn't hear him if he bothered to try. He didn't have the luxury to sit and wait for his heartbreak to pass when he knew it never would. He had to leave before that Akuma showed up here and caused Fou and everyone else pain, just as it did last time.

Allen motioned for him not to bother with a simple shake of his head and those two things alone were enough to stop Bak in his tracks.

"I'm going to protect my friends, but after that..." he trailed off as he felt the Ark open up beneath him. "I just want to go to sleep and never wake up." The tears in his eyes fell freely onto his cheeks as he allowed the Ark to draw him into its brilliant warmth. The hands reaching for him, trying to keep him from being pulled in, never even grazed the tips of his hair.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Pretty blah, but there's chapter two!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **After waiting all afternoon for FFN to stop acting up so I could submit this, here it is! I hope you guys like it!

**Disclaimer: **I will never own DGM!

Minor edits done on 2/22/15.

* * *

><p>The white streets of the Ark verged on being blinding. Allen had been directionally challenged for as long as he could remember. All he had to do was step out of his room and he was lost. That he'd gotten lost on the way to the cafeteria at the Order more times than he was able to count was proof of that. If Allen Walker could get lost, he would.<p>

The Ark was the sole exception to that rule, all because of his Uncle's memory of this place.

"I-I can't do this, Uncle," he said, though he couldn't tell if he was trying to convince himself or his uncle. Never once did he stop walking, yet his voice trembled as he spoke.

_"Of course you can do this." _Neah's voice echoed in his head, reassuring him. _"Without you, they'll die, won't they?"_

Allen bit his lip. There was truth in what he said, though his friends were the farthest thing from weak. No matter how powerful they were, there was no way they'd get out of the Ark without him. It was impossible for them to stop the Ark's collapse or open a gate. Provided they even arrived in the Ark, they would have lost even before they started.

Allen could feel himself shaking; he was afraid of the consequences his friends would face if he were to just disappear, but he was terrified of seeing their faces twist with the disgust and hatred he'd last seen in some of their eyes.

He could almost feel his uncle's arms wrapping around him protectively, trying to ease his every worry. The imagined hug was as real in his mind as the tone of the man's voice that bounced off the inside of his skull that let Allen know his Uncle was smiling. "_We'll get through this together, Nephew."_

"I hope so, Uncle," he said as he proceeded through one of the white doors that existed on this particular stretch of street. It was a door with no destination, but when Allen's fingertips grazed the handle, it obeyed his silent command and created one. Opening the door, he stepped out not into a black, bottomless pit as he did once before. Instead, he stepped out of the Ark and into a forested area.

"Adara," he whispered as he exited the Gate; he didn't need to turn and look to know it shattered and broke at his command. He could sense it falling apart with startling clarity, like a small piece of the world was being torn away from him. He allowed the presence Innocence near the coast to distract him from the gut-wrenching feeling. He could feel the pulsations under his feet that the Innocence that his friends all carried were giving off. Their Innocence was calling to him, yet Allen couldn't help but wonder if he should even go and meet them. He could go on ahead and defeat the Noah. By the time his friends knew he was there, the battle would be over and that would spare them from that fight, at least.

That would be his excuse, at least. What kept him from running to their side wasn't the prospect of them being hurt by the Noah, but the image that was burned into his mind's eye of Lenalee staring down at him with nothing but contempt as the headsman raised his ax to end his life.

What finally convinced him to meet them was not the Noah at all. Instead, it was the feeling of multiple level threes heading in their direction.

There was also a couple of level twos... Wait, was one of them _with _them?

_"Cross can convert them, remember?"_

"Oh, I forgot about that," Allen said, his words punctuated by a soft laugh that only served to further dim the bright light that Allen Walker was _supposed _to be. It made him feel cold and alone, even though he knew he still had two people and that he always would. No matter the circumstances, Crown Clown would always heed his call. No matter what kind of monster he became, his uncle would always be there to assure him that he remained human, even if plenty of people—people he had cared about then and still did—said otherwise.

At the same time, the fact that he was well and truly alone was only emphasized when he remembered that neither of these two people would ever be able to hold him. They wouldn't be able to wipe his tears away nor could he ever hope to do the same for them.

Even though they were bound together, a glass wall separated them.

He pushed his despairing thoughts away as best to the best of his ability as he neared the coast. Something like a spiderweb stretched across the path and his gray eyes flicked to the poor soul that had been caught in another Akuma's web. Though her skin was human, the soul connected to her that was twisting and writhing in the space above her was enough to tell Allen that that wasn't the case. His friends were hiding from the approaching Akuma and their one Akuma companion made it obvious where they all were just by existing.

After what felt like an eternity, the three Akuma came down the path and rounded their prey. Their jaws snapped open and Allen hissed at the sight. Cannibalism.

Before they could dig into the meal that stood struggling before them, Allen stepped out of the safety of the trees and revealed himself to them.

As soon as he came into sight, one of them screamed, "A human!"

"An _Exorcist_!" Another followed up as its eyes laid on the rose cross stamped on his breast.

The third, however, was smarter. Fear flit across its inhuman face even as its brethren abandoned the captured Akuma in favor of the fresh meat standing right in front of them.

"L-L-Lor—"

Allen didn't allow the third to finish what it was going to say, slicing into it with his claw before the thought could achieve its rightful end. No matter how much he didn't want to be called that, that's what he was, right? Even if he didn't want to be associated with the ones who were supposed to be his enemies, he was just another member of the Noah family at the end of the day. That's who he was to everyone, even himself. The only ones who didn't think so were the people a part of that family.

Their fellow Akuma executed so easily, the remaining two let out an ear-piercing screech. They were afraid, he realized. They didn't want to die, but they needed to. Allen had to save their soul; it was the only promise left in the world that he could fulfill anymore.

"It's not going to hurt," Allen said quietly, his voice almost inaudible, but he knew they wouldn't listen. In times such as these, words proved time and time again that they were of little use. Even his actions rarely sufficed.

He couldn't convince anyone of anything and he'd resigned himself to that.

He didn't expect either of the two Akuma to believe him, so he wasn't surprised when they took off in opposite directions, one veering back up the path they'd come from while the other passed the web and headed down to the coast.

Crown Clown's long and flowing cape lashed out, piercing the one headed back up the path. It cracked and broke like a porcelain doll and disappeared into dust with little fuss, while Allen moved in the opposite direction. The remaining Akuma's head turned back to him as it fled, but its eyes spotted something else.

Allen leapt, landing on the Akuma's back in its moment of distraction. It hit the dirt just before Allen's claw ripped it clean in half and its body disappeared from beneath him without a trace.

Dull gray eyes looked up to what the Akuma had caught sight of, though he already knew all too well what it had seen. Off to the side of the path, hidden behind the paper signs—Is that what they called them?—were several familiar faces. He quickly averted his eyes, focusing on the little bundle on the head of an unfamiliar woman, the grotesque image of her soul dancing above her head telling him that she was the converted Akuma that was guiding them.

Her soul cried out to him for salvation, as did the Akuma he left in the webbing. With each of their sobs, each of their demands to be helped, his eye throbbed painfully. He chose to ignore all of it for only a moment, in favor of greeting his oldest friend.

"Tim," he said, his voice subdued and as soft as silk as he stood from where he'd been crouching on the ground. The golem hesitated, but rushed over a moment later and landed on Allen's outstretched right hand. The golem was quick to leave his hand behind to bite his cheek and Allen couldn't help the small laugh that escaped from his pale lips.

"A-Allen?"

The voice belonged to Lenalee, yet Allen showed no sign that he'd even heard her. Pulling Timcanpy away from his face, he asked, "Did you think I was Uncle?"

Allen Walker was weak and he was well aware of that. Out of fear that whatever single thread was holding him together would rip clean in half if he so much as glanced at her, he found himself unable to meet her gaze. Instead, his gray eyes stayed focused on the golden golem now fluttering around his open palm.

The memory of her glowering down at him was still fresh in his mind and there was nothing he could do to dilute that image. If he looked at her now, would his resolve to help them through this crumble under the crushing weight of those violet eyes?

"Allen?" she tried again, this time getting some semblance of a reaction.

"Hi, Lenalee," he said, a shaky smile forming on his face as he cast a hesitant glance in her direction, though his eyes never met hers. As quiet as his voice was, he wouldn't have been surprised if none of them had heard him and through the corner of his eye, he could see everyone go stiffen at his lack of enthusiasm.

Lenalee took a single step towards him and his white cape attacked her of its own accord. Gray eyes widened as she stumbled back out of the way, narrowly avoiding the sharp, white fabric of his Innocence when Lavi pulled her out of its range.

"What the hell, Allen?!" Lavi shouted and Allen surprised everyone by flinching visibly, the white cloak that was billowing around him pulling itself tighter around him. Allen knew that she was only protecting him. Whoever she perceived as a threat would be treated however she deemed fit, to make sure he stayed safe.

"Crown Clown..." Allen muttered, wondering if anyone had heard the way his voice had cracked for the briefest of seconds over the melodic lilt in his voice. It would be best if they didn't see him cry, if they never knew just how far he'd fallen. For them, he wanted to be the strong Exorcist that they'd always known: The one that could smile through any situation, who found a way to defy every odd stacked up against him. Right up until his death, he wanted to be that person. That was how he wanted them to remember him, not as an inimitable monster.

But the fact of the matter was that he _wasn't _that person anymore and trying to be him sounded like an impossible endeavor.

_"Whether its this lifetime or the next, the future or the past, whoever hurts Allen should just **die**!"_

Crown Clown screamed the words out, though no one else in the world could hear them, save for him and the other man trapped in his skull. Despite her harsh words, the edges of his lips curled upwards. There was a hint of warmth in his smile for the first time in what felt like ages.

She'd always been protective, defending him when Mana had tried to attack him as an Akuma, shielding him when Eliade attacked him at Crowley's castle and healing the hole that Tyki pierced in his heart. Even much later, during the invasion, she'd used his body to try and protect his friends because she knew that was what he would have wanted.

Now, she lashed out at those same people that she'd protected that day because of him.

Reaching up to his shoulder, he touched where the cloak started at his shoulders. "It's okay..." he whispered soothingly, his gaze never moving from the soft, warm fabric that wrapped around his lithe form. "Are you okay, Lenalee? I'm sorry. Crown Clown is... overprotective."

She was like the mother that protected him, the older sister that soothed him and the little sister that wept alongside him.

"I-I'm fine..." she said, understandably startled by the display. He seemed to return to normal, sinking comfortably into the mask he'd always used around his friends. It was cracked and broken in one too many places, but it would serve its purpose for the time being. So long as they didn't learn just how deeply wounded Allen was, they wouldn't try and stop him.

"'Crown Clown' is overprotective?"

Allen laughed humorlessly, touching his left arm with his right hand. Absentmindedly, he traced the smooth, black, clawed appendage that was his Innocence. "She's always been like that," he said almost dismissively. "Everything she does is to protect me."

The power that she lent to him was for his own safety. The way she took control at certain times was to safeguard him from a cold and cruel world that was so set against him. He wished he could say the same, that everything he did was to better the lives of his Uncle and his Innocence, but that wasn't the case. Every bone in his body screamed for something more than what he was limited to.

He was selfish—_greedy._

_"You're human," a voice_ whispered to him, but Allen knew better. He was well beyond being human.

_Someone..._

_Anyone..._

He licked his lips as the familiar feeling of an Akuma's presence woke him from his reverie.

_Please accept me for what I am._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Hi guys! I've returned with chapter four! I wanted to get the fifth chapter out this weekend, too, but I take forever when I edit. OTL  
>But if it's any consolation, the fifth chapter <em>should<em> be up next weekend.

Minor edits done on 2/28/2015.

* * *

><p>Smoldering violet eyes stared back at him when Allen made the mistake of letting their eyes meet when he started to turn to where he felt the Akuma. Lenalee stood there, staring at him like he was a poison to them and a blight on the Earth.<p>

It took Allen a full minute to realize that the anger contained in her eyes was imagined—a byproduct of his memory of a future that would no longer exist. What laid in her eyes was instead concern, a far cry from what he thought he'd seen.

He had to remind himself that Lenalee didn't hate him—not yet, anyways, if that was ever the case.

"I... feel..."

A dozen voices spoke at once, their words distorting and running together as the rising number of Akuma gathered in the clearing.

Before they could even finish speaking, he knew what they were going to say.

"I feel... the Fourteenth..."

As they spoke the words in a myriad of different voices, Allen's eyes moved from his friends to the Akuma, giving them his undivided attention.

_"Sorry, Nephew. Looks like I couldn't hide us from them after all."_

"That's okay," Allen responded aloud. Even though his words were quiet, he was certain that at least one of his friends had heard the soft reassurance. Even though Allen could easily _think _his responses, he hated doing so. Although his words were aimed at someone who existed in his head, speaking aloud made him feel as though they were right there. It helped him pretend that the imaginary hugs were real and let him forget just how limited his physical contact with his only two friends in the world really was, if only for a split second.

The Akuma that had assembled were a nice assortment of level ones, twos and threes; they were close to a dozen in number, but none of them were particularly strong.

Of that dozen, the first few who made the mistake of coming at him were eliminated by Crown Clown as the cloak she'd formed around him lunged at them, protecting him. The Akumas' claws came mere inches from his face time and time again, yet Allen didn't move an inch. His fingers didn't even give the slightest of twitches and it wasn't until four of the Akuma had been reduced to cinders that Allen joined the fight. His sharp claw shot out and he drove it into one of the Akuma's faces. It screamed as it collapsed in a heap, its soul drifting away from its body as Allen raised his opposing hand. A white ribbon flew at the next Akuma, wrapping around it and pulling it towards him. His Innocence arm pierced right through the creature as it careened towards him, painting the grass black with its blood as Allen's hand tore straight through its thin torso.

Less than half a dozen Akuma stood in front of him now, their black eyes filled with something akin to horror as they watched their fellows be slaughtered without mercy.

The Akuma that Allen had impaled with his arm disappeared from around it, its ashes being swept up in the wind and carried off. He stepped into the center of the half-circle that the remaining Akuma had formed without the slightest twinge of hesitation. He raised both hands before flinging them downward and from them, thin wires formed, binding the Akuma. Where the wires touched, the Akuma's skin split, black blood dripping from each scratch and cut that was created as they struggled to escape.

In spite of their growing hysteria, Allen's only mercy was the salvation that he offered to them as he pulled his arms back sharply. The sound of ripping accompanied the sight of the Akuma being torn apart by the thin cables that stemmed from the Exorcist's fingertips. Just as the Akuma disappeared with little trace, so did the piano wire.

With the Akuma's souls freed and their bodies fading, dull gray eyes looked back to the small group standing behind him. Their mouths had fallen open in shock and Allen could only return their looks with one of bemused curiosity. It took him several seconds of quiet contemplation before he realized why they were looking at him like that.

For them, this wouldn't have been an easy fight, would it? It was hard to say how many times they'd fought a level three at this point, but it couldn't have been more than a few. Allen knew that they wouldn't be so impressed shortly. Things like this would become easy because they would be stronger.

And he'd be on the execution block, waiting for death.

Of all the familiar faces that stared at him, it was the one he'd never seen before that didn't look surprised at all. They wore another expression entirely—one that he recognized well, not only because he'd worn it numerous time before as well, but also because he had seen it in the eyes of others. Like the Akumas he'd just slain, the one that had guided his friends to Edo was staring at him, her eyes wide with unadulterated terror and her body trembling violently as if it was the ground beneath her was shaking instead.

She took a step back and a twig snapped underneath her feet. The others startled at the sound, as did she. His friends swiveled to look for what they likely expected to be an enemy, only to find the brunette.

The minute her foot crushed the poor twig, she froze, the sound alone enough to paralyze her with fear. Allen watched with astonishment as the color of her eyes inverted. The whites of her eyes turned black and her irises were dyed a blood red, not terribly unlike his left eye. The familiar symbol of an Akuma was emblazoned on her forehead as clearly as it was on his and their eyes met as her hands slowly came up to pull on the long bangs that framed her face. "Wha—What are you?" she asked, her voice shaking. "An Exorcist? Or—"

It was of his Uncle's will that he lifted a single finger to touch his own lips, hushing her without saying a word. She flinched at the silent command, but he didn't feel even a twinge of remorse for scaring her. That alone should have made him feel bad, but he was too far gone for such things. He should hate himself for the way she shrunk back in fear of him, yet he didn't. As little strength as he had, there was none to spare for people he didn't know.

"Chomesuke?"

Lavi reached out, touched her shoulder and she jumped out of her skin like she hadn't realized that he was standing beside her. Everyone's full and undivided attention was given to her in that moment and Allen was honestly grateful for their distraction. It was while they fretted over her that he walked over to the other converted Akuma who was writhing in pain, trapped by the threads.

"It's okay," Allen cooed with a small smile. "It won't hurt." When his eyes met hers, she stilled. It wasn't fear embedded in those eyes, but acceptance. The Akuma welcomed her salvation as Allen gave it, dragging a single, clawed finger down her face and splitting it open. There was a flash of light as she disappeared, her soul being carried away as her body fell lifeless onto the ground like the others before her.

Several agonizing seconds of silence passed with Allen only gazing at the killing machine as its body was reduced to nothing. Lenalee was the one who disrupted the quiet. "Allen... What happened?"

"What do you mean, Lenalee?" he asked. With such a vague question, there were so many things she could be referring to. Allen was no fool; he wasn't how he was "supposed" to be. To him, he was the same as he'd been for a while. To his friends, he was a different person from who he'd been the last time they'd seen him.

It had only been a few days, yet the Allen Walker that they had known was someone new to him, so her question could refer to almost anything.

"Tim showed us the clip. Your—Your arm was—"

Allen's mouth pulled into a tight-lipped smile. It was a bittersweet memory for him. Even though he had saved Suman's Innocence, Crown Clown had been hurt and so had he. He woken up and been convinced there was no bringing her back, that Tyki had well and truly destroyed her. They had become closer as a result, yet the gnawing loneliness that he'd felt was something he wouldn't mind forgetting.

"A sleepy Noah like him can't destroy Crown Clown."

Even if Joyd had already woken up, there were only two people in the world capable of destroying Crown Clown: Himself and Milennium Earl. She was nothing like the inexperienced Innocence that the other Exorcists used nor was she as weak-willed as the ones that the Noah clan had already destroyed.

She chose to persist. She _wanted _to live.

"A... sleepy Noah?"

Allen hummed softly as he turned his back to his friends. "Are you all sure you want to keep going?" he asked, his eyes downcast. "If you want to go back, I can finish things here."

"What?"

He didn't look back at them. Looking at them was hard. Every time he did, he couldn't help but imagine their faces twisting with disgust and the image made his chest tighten painfully. It was enough to make him feel like he couldn't breath.

"From here on, it'll only be more dangerous," Allen said quietly, still refusing to look at them. "And if I'm with you, it'll only be worse."

"If you're with us? What do you mean by that?"

A lick of courage flashed through him as he glanced at the one who'd spoke. Lavi. As far as the bookman's successor was concerned, they hadn't known each other long, but Allen wouldn't hesitate to say that Lavi was the best friend he'd ever had. Even though Lavi tried to downplay himself with his eccentric persona, Allen knew all too well that Lavi was easily the smartest person that he knew; he was reliable and kind-hearted, even if his occupation mandated otherwise.

"The Noah tried to kill me once; they'll try again."

Though his words were true, there was more to it; there was _always_ more to it. Allen was the Fourteenth's host and the Akuma could already sense that, even though he'd barely tapped into his Uncle's powers. While he was certain that the Noah would be unable to pinpoint him as well as the Akuma could, they would be able to feel that he was up and walking around. After all, Neah was wide awake within him and had access to all of his abilities.

"_Our abilities." _His Uncle saw fit to correct him, but Allen could only shake his head as if the man could see him doing so. The power he used was being borrowed from his Uncle and he would never dare to claim otherwise.

Allen jumped when a hand clapped him on the back, then moved to hook around his shoulders in a way that was both foreign and familiar.

"Come on, Beansprout! You know us better than that!"

Startled gray eyes relaxed. The person intruding on his personal space was Lavi and relief washed through him when he realized that. Lavi was a little loud and a touch obnoxious, but somehow put Allen at ease. The redhead grinned at him and it should've only helped to ease his tension, but pain ripped through his chest like he'd been stabbed. Allen tore his gaze away.

More than the disgust and hate that he remembered so vividly, seeing his friend smile so bright hurt. Soon the smiles and the laughter would be gone and seeing them now made his chest ache.

So why did watching Lavi's smile droop through the corner of his eye make his heart clench? He should have been glad for it, shouldn't he have?

If Allen hadn't looked away from him as he had, perhaps Lavi would have continued smiling. Instead, his red eyebrows furrowed, creating deep wrinkles in his forehead and it struck Allen as being terribly out of character. Lavi was suited to soft smiles and wide grins that kept their hopes up, even in the most dire of times.

Allen fixed Lavi's face using his index finger, pushing the corners of his lips back up into one of his trademark grins and pulling on one of his own just for show. Lavi only blinked curiously at him. He didn't speak.

Even though it hurt to see it, frowns didn't belong on the older boy's face. It was something he'd come to hate seeing and even now, that hate stood stronger than even his pain did.

"I think everyone likes it more when you smile, Lavi," he whispered.

There was too much warmth in it for them not to.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Sorry guys! I meant to get this out last weekend, but I was feeling kinda crappy. But it's here now, at least!

Partial rewrite done on 3/29/2015.

* * *

><p>If Allen had been in a laughing mood—or if he could even remember the last time he'd been in one—he might've at least chuckled at the way Lavi's eyebrow disappeared under his red fringe. But he didn't. Instead, his smile faltered, like he was about to fall to pieces right there.<p>

It hurt.

"Allen?" Lavi asked, his voice barely above a whisper. As if Allen were made of glass, Lavi spoke like he would shatter without a moment's notice. Allen knew better than anyone else that his worries weren't baseless, but instead pointless. Allen broke a long time ago. As smart as Lavi was, he had yet to see that. He was familiar with both people and history, but he didn't know how far gone Allen was. The pain that Allen kept veiled behind a thin smile was laid bare for him to see, but it would be minutes, hours, maybe even days before he realized how deep it ran.

For Lavi, nothing was easier for him to read than Allen Walker was. In that moment, his smile was as transparent as they come and Lavi could see through it, even if no one else seemed able to.

Allen looked away from him. He turned his attention to the path that stretched before them out of fear that Lavi would discover something that he shouldn't.

"If all of you intend on going forward, we should get moving," Allen said. His words shook as much as his hands did and it proved difficult to hold them steady. No matter how much he wanted to crawl into a hole and die, he knew that his friends would face horrible odds and meet worse fates if he ran away. If they wouldn't turn back, it wasn't enough to find a small corner in the Ark and wait for his inevitable end. The only option he had was to fight.

Until he found a way out of his life, he couldn't stop. He had to keep moving forward.

Their future selves had inflicted a grievous injury on his heart and cut deep enough that Allen had lost any hope it would heal, but he still cared for them. Whether they hated him or not, he wanted to protect them until he reached the long-awaited conclusion of his tragic tale.

They refused to leave his side, so he would have to wait for this part of his life to come to a close.

Allen couldn't decide if the tears he blinked back belonged to a happy man or one that was broken into a thousand indistinguishable pieces.

It was easier to move forward with everyone's eyes on his back. He was unimpeded by the looks in their eyes, hallucinatory or otherwise. Like this, it was harder for him to imagine the way their faces would look when they learned he had lied to them about who—no, _what—_he was_._

When they found out, they would hate him. More than once, it had occurred to him that maybe it was better that way. If they wanted him dead, they wouldn't miss him when he was gone. They wouldn't grieve for someone who was, unbeknownst to them, their enemy.

With a vigorous shake of his head, he pushed the thoughts away. They ventured further into Edo and never once did Allen stop out of fear that he'd be unable to start again. The fear he carried with him would cripple him if he let it. If he stopped, that would be the spot where he would die.

A foul stench drifted downwind from a clearing not far ahead. It filled his nostrils and Allen knew what it was even before the mess came into view. Someone gagged. Allen didn't. Unshared remorse gripped him as he drank in the sight.

"Wh-what is—"

Before Lenalee could finish, he cut her off with an explanation.

"These are the remains of the Akuma that were eaten by their own kind," Allen said, his voice barely above a whisper as he leaned down and touched his human hand to the remnant. What was left of its mechanical body was covered in the black tar that was its blood. The air was heavy with loss, but that went unnoticed by the other Exorcists. To the Akuma, he whispered an apology for not being able to save its soul. It was a grave transgression that Allen couldn't hope to be forgiven for.

"Akuma eat each other?!"

Lavi complained about being sick and asked how he could touch "it", but Allen couldn't get his mouth to work long enough to respond. _Don't call them "it", _Allen wanted to tell him, feeling queasy at just the thought. No longer could Allen tell if they had once contained the souls of a man or a woman, but that changed nothing.

They had been people, too.

Allen mourned the lost souls in relative silence for what seemed like an eternity before something else demanded his attention. Chomesuke recoiled as if she'd been struck by lightning.

While Lavi grabbed her by the arm and asked what the problem was, Allen didn't need to. The blood in his veins screamed at him; he could feel the Earl call to his Akuma. It wasn't a message that he left only with Chomesuke, he realized with dismay.

She flung her head forward and wove her fingers into long brown locks. As if all the air in her lungs had been stolen from her, she choked out a gasp.

"What's wrong, Sachiko?!"

"Didn't I just tell you to call me Chomesuke?! I-I'm receiving—"

"Chomesuke," Allen said as he turned to face them. The single word drown out her agony. Like it alone was a hymn, it trampled every tension she had with ease and replaced the Earl's demands with blissful silence. It was as if Allen had changed the frequency of the radio that Chomesuke was tuned in to.

Her hands slipped away from her head as the pain that threatened to split her head in two faded in an instant.

Lavi's eyebrows knit together, eying the two of them with curiosity and confusion. The others had fallen behind by a few paces, but it wasn't lost on Allen that they looked on with the same expression as the redhead.

"Lord Allen," Chomesuke said and though her voice quivered, the bow she offered him wasn't one born out of fear. Allen took a startled step backwards, unsure of what to think of the display. "Y-you are— ... Thank you."

Allen's shock disappeared, replaced by a small smile that the converted Akuma met with one of her own.

"You're welcome."

"Do the other—"

The question died in her throat, but he knew what she wanted to ask. _Do the other Noah know of him? _Did they know that Allen Walker had wrenched himself from death's grasp? Did they know that he—the Fourteenth Noah—was here in Edo?

He wanted to say no, but it would be a lie. It was difficult to stay under the radar when the other Noah could sniff him out like a pack of starved dogs. As shaken up as Chomesuke was, however, he didn't have the heart to tell her that they knew he was here. Once they saw him, it would only be a matter of time before they realized he was the Fourteenth's vessel.

"I don't think so," Allen said, a clumsy laugh tumbled from his lips. In that moment, with swollen, red eyes that contrasted with his pale skin and the way his voice shook as he spoke, he was sure he looked as fragile as a porcelain doll.

His words were confident, but the voice that carried them was not. As much he wanted to pretend that the Noah were clueless, that wasn't the case. They must have been able to feel that that his Uncle was awake somewhere, but he doubted they'd realized yet that Allen Walker was his vessel. It was hard to hide when he had already used his Uncle's powers at least twice and would no doubt tap into them even more in the coming battles.

So long as they didn't figure it out before he boarded the Ark, everything would be fine.

When Allen started to walk again, Chomesuke was right on his heels and Lavi wasn't far behind them. The rest of the group trailed behind the three of them—something that Allen was thankful for when Lavi closed the distance between them to strike up a conversation Allen didn't want to have.

"Hey... Allen..."

Lavi walked toe-to-toe with him now and gray eyes looked up to meet the older boy's single green one. Lavi wore so many fake, exaggerated smiles, but the worry in his eyes wasn't. It was real and he would lose it.

He'd give anything for his friends to just be willing to worry about him, to not rejoice in or appreciate what had been one of the most painful events in his short life.

"You've been crying?" It was more a statement than a question and Lavi kept his voice low; it made Allen smile. He was being discrete and Allen's heart soared for the split second in which he realized that it was only for Allen's benefit.

Gravity pulled his heart back down when he remembered that it would never last. If Lavi knew—if _any_ of them knew—such concern would become a thing of the past.

Even if Lavi didn't reject him for the part of him that was a Noah, he had his duties as a Bookman to think about. Right now, that duty had him on the side of the Order.

To be honest, Allen was jealous. A bookman like Lavi may not have a place that he could _always_ return to, but he did have one. No matter what, he'd always be able to find someone that would accept him, albeit temporarily.

Allen had nothing like that.

Allen had Innocence. Allen had his Noah genes. It left him with no home to go to or people to turn to. He'd always be a traitor, whether it was for loyalties that had discarded _him_ or ones that someone _else _had discarded.

Allen's forced smile cracked when he answered Lavi.

"That's all I know how to do anymore, Lavi." It was pointless to lie to Lavi. He would see right through the clumsy facade that Allen had patched back together, as he did most other things.

"Lavi," Allen started again before Lavi had the chance to do so. "If something happened to me, would you protect everyone in my place? At least until you were done recording on this side?"

The redhead stared at him for a few seconds before he erupted with laughter. Lavi thought it was a joke, but he could wait forever for the punchline and it would never come. Allen's expression stayed the same. His gray eyes continued to bore into Lavi's as he awaited a proper answer and the older boy's laughter slowed, turning awkward before it faded into nothing. "C-come on, Beansprout, is this because of what happened with the Noah?"

"Sort of," Allen said and lied through his teeth. If Lavi noticed it, he didn't say anything. But he didn't miss Allen's non-existent reaction when he used his most-hated nickname.

Lavi continued to walk beside him, rubbing the back of his neck. He opened his mouth to answer, but the others caught up then. No longer were they a few paces behind. Anything spoken between the two of them would be overheard and Allen couldn't deny that he was grateful when Lavi's mouth snapped shut.

"What are you guys talking about?" Lenalee asked, not oblivious to the heavy atmosphere that surrounded the two of them.

Allen muttered a small, quiet and subdued, "Nothing in particular."

Another evasion. Another _lie_.

She looked ready to probe him further on the issue, but Allen breathed a soundless sigh of relief when Lavi distracted them. "Uh, hey, Sachiko. What was that all about, anyways?" Allen thanked Lavi with a glance and a soft, halfhearted smile.

Lavi beamed at him in return and for a split second, his worries were swept away.

It was better that she didn't hear about it. It wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with her nor was it one she would appreciate.

It was better for her to remain ignorant.

The converted Akuma jumped, as if she'd forgotten about her attack and glanced at Allen. It was like she wanted his permission and he gave it to her in the form of a small smile.

"In Edo, in the imperial capital... The Millennium Earl has come." Her brown eyes looked to the group before them and Allen watched as they began to freak out. He'd expected precious little else, given what the new.

"The Millennium Earl...?!"

"That—"

"Here in Edo—"

"The Earl is in Edo?!" Lenalee yelled as she finally put the fragmented words of their friends into a single, coherent thought.

In that moment, a familiar feeling washed over him and he swiveled around to face the direction of the heart of Edo. His friends startled at the abruptness of his action and questioned him, but his focus lied elsewhere. There words were lost on him as his body stiffened and eyes widened.

An Ark gate had opened.

Did they not realize he was no longer in China? Were they going to send that Akuma there and have it destroy the Asian branch in search of someone that wasn't even there?

A splash of gold replaced his dull gray and his face twisted into an uncharacteristic grin. Had his back not been to his friends, they would've seen his lips move soundlessly. They couldn't hear the words that weren't meant for them. Each syllable traveled on the breeze to its intended destination.

"Tykiii..." he sung the words out, like he was taunting him. "Why are you sending that pathetic level three to China when I'm right here in Edo?"

* * *

><p><em>"Tykiii..."<em>

The Noah of Pleasure's head shot up as an eerily familiar voice tickled past his ear. When he looked behind him, there was no sign of the boy that he had left for dead in China, yet he was sure that the voice had belonged to him. It couldn't be. Even if the boy survived like the Earl had suggested, it was impossible for him to have crossed the ocean in such a short span of time.

Golden eyes glanced around, searching for the owner of the voice, but it was plain to see that the only ones here were the Akuma and his family. It didn't belong to any of them, so he took another puff of his cigarette and was ready to write it off as a hallucination when it came again.

_"Why are you sending that pathetic level three to China when I'm right here in Edo?"_

He dropped his cigarette.

"Tyki-pon?" The Earl's head tilted to the side as his perpetual smile grew to an impossible width.

Tyki said nothing about the hated nickname that the Earl had used. Instead, his impassive frown was broken by a grin. "Wait," he told the Akuma that was about to step into the Ark gate that the Earl had created mere moments ago. "Allen Walker is coming to us, it seems."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Now, if you don't mind, I'm going back to playing OreShika...


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **What's this? A new chapter at long last? It's a miracle!

* * *

><p>When his Uncle relinquished control of his body, Allen wasted no time. He broke out into a sprint, giving no warning to his comrades who tried and failed to keep up with him. His speed far exceeded theirs and he arrived at a building that was better off being called a storage shed when compared to the mansion that overlooked it from the cliff above.<p>

He was inside the building for several minutes before the others caught up to him and filed in.

"A-Allen," Lavi heaved, though he didn't collapse to his knees like some of the others did. "When did you get so f-fast?"

Allen watched Lavi take in huge gulps of air and opened his mouth to say he could've gone faster. Then he closed it, knowing full well that he couldn't tell his friends that he could move from one place to another instantly with the Ark. Even without that, he could still move at the blink of an eye.

He wasn't human, after all. Not anymore.

Instead of explaining, Allen offered him an apology instead.

"Sorry," He flashed the older boy an apologetic smile that was more genuine than the empty smiles he'd been giving them all afternoon. It hadn't been his intention to outrun them; he was barely conscious of it anymore.

"I-It's okay," Lavi said, sounding less out of breath now and more miffed that Allen's manner remained meek. He had little control over it. Smiling was hard enough when he wasn't showing off the same wide grins he'd once wore. It didn't stop Lavi from continuing. "The Earl's up on that mansion, then?"

Lavi combed a hand through his fiery red mane, giving Allen the time to nod his response.

"Along with a lot of Akuma," Allen said, eyes narrowing as his head tilted to look at the ceiling, as if seeing through it. While he couldn't see the souls from here, he could still hear them. They kept crying for his help They begged and pleaded, but Allen selfishly ignored them in favor of his friends.

"Lavi, can you distract them?"

Lavi grimaced.

"Allen, listen, you don't have to—"

Allen's disarming smile cut him off, if only because of how blatantly fake it was. The emotions that should've shone through were long gone and the warmth that could pierce even the coldest of souls—barring Kanda, of course—was nowhere to be seen.

"Please, Lavi," Allen said, voice dipping as the quiet plea slipped from his pale lips. "Just distract them for a few seconds."

Time seemed to stretch into infinity as Lavi continued to stare at him, chewing on his lower lip absently. Allen could understand every thought going through his head without being a mind reader. _Why had he changed so much? He had felt the cold caress of death, but was that what had caused this? Why had the sun he'd carried on his shoulders blinked out? _

Allen continued to smile. The more he did it, the easier it became to pretend. He was falling back into his old habits. "Even if it's just a second, I may be able to get us an advantage," he said, but Lavi's face remained the same. It occurred to Allen that he shouldn't have asked Lavi what he had. If he hadn't, his hesitation would be nothing but a dream.

Finally, Lavi's hand clapped down on his shoulder. "I'm not going to let you fight alone, Al."

Gray eyes blinked up at him before he laughed. It was small, but honest. "Since when do you call me _Al_, Lavi?"

"Since right now," he said, arm wrapping around his shoulders. Allen always felt protected—the white cloak wrapped snug around his body ensured that—but it was only emphasized when he leaned into his friend. Unlike his cloak, Lavi radiated warmth that Allen longed for. "Come on, Al, haven't you gotten hurt enough lately?"

The grin on Lavi's face didn't reach all the way to his eyes, but Allen remained grateful for it. For his sake, Lavi was deliberately vague. Not a single word told the full extent of the story unfolding between them.

"Let some of us pull our weight, would ya?" Something in Lavi's voice begged him to forget his idea of charging in to exorcize one of the Noah—or try to, at least—and get them the upper hand. For a split second, he considered it.

It was discarded another second later.

"You're going to," Allen said, smiling at his compatriot. Lavi looked like he was about to protest, but Allen didn't let him. "I never fight alone, Lavi."

In order to keep his friends safe, he needed to do this. If there was even one less Noah, their chances would increase exponentially when he was no longer here to protect them.

Allen couldn't tell them. He feared their eyes and the smile that would collapse under the weight of their gazes. All he could do was destroy and exorcize however many Noah he could before everything came to an end. The destruction of their enemies was all he could manage with his emotions in turmoil.

_"Allen," _Crown Clown whispered in his ear, as if her voice originated from the cloak donned on his shoulders. Just the one word was enough to keep him grounded; her voice soothed him, as did his Uncle's humming.

His uncle joined her, his voice ringing in the opposite ear like he were an angel sitting on his shoulder, ready to steer him in the right direction.

_"We're right here with you," _he said and as if the words had actually been spoken, Allen nodded. No matter who else left him to with and die alone, they were with him and always would be, even in death.

Lavi eyed him for a moment before he finally consented. "Alright."

"Thank you, Lavi," he said as Lavi's arm slipped off his shoulders. He moved to leave the building as Lavi pulled his hammer off his hip. The familiar symbol of Lavi's Fire Seal spun around him like an apparition as his hammer expanded to its normal sized. It rested across the redhead's shoulders as he prepared his attack.

Allen was nearly out the door when someone grabbed his arm.

Gray eyes turned to face violet ones. When he saw Lenalee's eyes, he imagined the hate embedded in them that was hard to unsee, but he held his ground. He didn't flinch nor did he shake her off.

"Allen, please be careful."

"O-of course," Allen said faster than intended as he gently pulled the girl's fingers from around his arm. He saw himself out without another word and he could hear her footfalls that followed him for a few steps. It was relief that washed over him when he stepped outside and the sounds came to an end.

Just as he shut the door behind him, obscuring himself from view, a serpent fashioned by flames burst from the roof. Allen's right hand rose to touch his unnatural left and he flickered out of existence, as if he had never been there.

Like a ghost, he joined the Noah on top of the mansion in an instant and watched as the snake crashed into the Earl, swallowing him whole. It was the black-haired twin who screamed at the sight, yelling, "The Duke Millennium got eaten!"

Allen felt his face twist into a smirk of its own accord. In a flash, he appeared before the blond twin. He startled and Allen gave him no more time to react. He swung Crown Clown and Jasdero brought his hands up to block the blade. Instead of catching her, she passed cleanly through him.

The ribbons from his cloak shot out and grabbed Devit by the wrist. Allen's feet had barely touched the ground when the black-haired twin was jerked forward with a yelp. It was a repeat of what had happened a second ago. Jasdero's howls of pains started just before Devit was impaled.

With a flick of his blade, Devit was sent reeling across the top of the mansion, right into Tyki's awaiting arms. White crosses lined the Noah's body where Allen had cut him and scream tore its way from his throat a second later. Their screams mingled together, creating a horrifying symphony that illustrated their pain. Allen winced as his right side of his chest throbbed, reminding him that he too had felt that pain once.

A small smile graced the Exorcist's face as he turned to the remaining Noah just in time to see the Earl burst from the fire he'd been absorbed into. The Earl's dark, inhuman grin turned to face him, but Allen's smile remained.

Right then, Allen felt like he was fighting right alongside Crown Clown and his Uncle Neah. It was like they were standing there with him. Back-to-back. Shoulder-to-shoulder.

"What did you—"

Before Tyki could finish his sentence, yelling over the screams of the other two, the world fell silent. The howls of pain ceased as the color bled from their skin and the stigmata across their forehead faded away one mark at a time.

"Two bodies," Allen started, eyes flicking from one half of the Noah of Bonds to the other. "But one 'Memory'."

Their shadows melted into the ground, joining together at Allen's feet before forming a body that Allen caught with ease. Their old bodies melted into the shadow that made their true from come to life.

Now, their one memory was one body.

"What did you do, Boy?" Tyki asked, managing to finish this time. He dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his heel as his eyebrows furrowed.

"I exorcized the Noah within," Allen said with nonchalance. Behind his toneless words was a twinge of regret. Jasdevi would be forsaken by the people he'd called family for something he had no control over, just like Allen had. Only they had the opposite problem. He wished he could trade places with him, but what would he do without his Uncle? The Order could condemn him just on the principle that he had been a Noah at one point in time.

"You—"

"Oh, Allen Walker," the Earl sung with sickening sweetness, but his face changed into a contradictory, hideous grin that boiled red with anger. "What do you think you've just done?!"

"I'm just protecting my friends," Allen said, lifting the long-haired former Noah into his arms. He didn't want to hurt anyone, but things would never be that simple.

* * *

><p>"Is that silly-looking fat ass the Earl?" Crowley asked as Lavi's serpent dissipated and they stood atop the remnants of the building they'd been in that hadn't been devoured by the Fire Seal.<p>

"Yes," Bookman said simply as the Earl's attention turned from them to something behind him—no, some_one_.

"What do you think you've just done?!" he screamed at the person, his voice carrying even all the way down to where they were. It was easy to guess who he was the recipient of his anger, but it wasn't so easy to figure out how he'd managed to get all the way up there in the short amount of time that it had taken Lavi to attack the Earl.

Did Allen intend on fighting four Noah, in addition to the Earl, without them?!

"Lavi." Chomesuke's voice came through clearly, undeterred by the fight beginning up above them. He looked into her brown eyes and she spoke bluntly, "I shouldn't think that you have any chance at winning this battle."

He stared at her, shocked by her lack of faith, but not offended. The odds weren't in their favor. Lavi wasn't delusional enough to think that they were. Somehow, he knew what she was going to say before she did just because he saw what her eyes followed. A flicker of white darted across the battlefield, locking his blade with that of the Earl's. What she was focused on was Allen Walker. "And if it wasn't for Lord Allen, I don't think you would. Lavi, I think he's the only one who defeat the Millennium Earl and the Noah."

Her words served as a reminder of the prophecy Hevlaska had given Allen. The Destroyer of Time. Chomesuke couldn't possibly know about the future that Hevlaska had read in Allen's Innocence, so why could she speak with such certainty that Allen was the one who'd defeat the Earl?

"You saw his face then, Lavi. Can you really say that someone like Lord Allen deserves to wear a face like that?" she asked and his eye turned back to the battle. He remembered the look in his eyes when Allen had confessed to crying. That forced smile he'd been wearing looked like it had been on the verge of collapse and his eyes had glistened like he was going to burst into tears again.

_"That's all I know how to do anymore, Lavi."_

Bottled up emotions were eating away at his friend. He needed to say something. He needed to vent. Without worrying about what the others would say, Allen needed to shed those tears and let them escape so he could move on. As caring as Allen was, he deserved better. That they'd let him suffer was more than just sad.

It was disgraceful.

_"If something happens to me, would you protect everyone in my place?"_

Allen's words echoed in his head and unease settled in his stomach. Whatever plan Allen was concocting, it was one that none of them would like—Lavi _already _didn't like it and he didn't even know what it was. Not exactly, anyways. Allen Walker was not planning on returning. For whatever reason, he felt this was something he wouldn't come back from.

Could Lavi sit back like a good Bookman and let it happen?

In the short time that they'd known each other, they'd become fast friends. He would dare say that Allen was akin to a little brother. Something deep in his chest—the heart that these people had reminded him he had—clenched at the thought of losing him to whatever plagued him.

"Please help him, Lavi."

"You don't need to ask me to do that," Lavi said, gritting his teeth as his grasp on his hammer tightened.

Lavi didn't need to turn and look at his friends to see that they hadn't been able to follow the conversation well, but he couldn't explain it to them yet. There were more important things than bringing them up to speed.

He turned and leapt from the building. Crowley was the only one who followed after him.

Whether it was from the Noah or himself, Lavi would save him; he would protect him.

_No matter how many pieces you break into, I'll put you back together._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hope you guys enjoyed!


End file.
